More Powerful Sentences

Concision

1. Shorter is better: cut or condense wordy sentences and paragraphs.

One definition of “good writing” is: being able to communicate a lot of information in as few words as possible.

Less Powerful: In recent years, scholars and judges alike have paid increased attention to the problem of overcriminalization, which refers to the trend of enacting more and more criminal statutes that punish conduct many would not consider inherently wrong or dangerous. This growth of criminal law has led to concerns about the dilution of moral blameworthiness, the strain on enforcement resources, and the risk of unjust punishment for ordinary individuals who may unwittingly commit technical offenses.
More Powerful: Recent focus on overcriminalization highlights how expanding criminal statutes can dilute moral blame, strain resources, and risk unjustly punishing ordinary conduct.

2. Never use seven paragraphs when five will do; never use five sentences when three will do; and never use three words when one will do.

Make words, sentences, and paragraphs matter. Every paragraph and every sentence should accomplish something. As you write a paper, ask what paragraphs need to exist for your argument to be successful. Once you know why a paragraph needs to exist, ask what sentences need to exist for that paragraph to be successful.

Less Powerful: The Supreme Court’s reasoning in this case can be said to rest, in large part, upon its desire to maintain consistency with its prior decisions on similar matters.
More Powerful: The Supreme Court’s reasoning rests largely on maintaining consistency with past decisions.
Less Powerful: Due to the fact that the language may be unclear, courts have to look to the legislative history, in order to ascertain the true intent of the lawmakers.
More Powerful: Because the language may be unclear, courts consult legislative history to determine lawmakers’ intent.

3. Use simple and plain language instead of needlessly fancy words or obnoxious jargon.

Don’t inflate your words; no bloated paragraphs; use a simple vocabulary. Write more like you talk.

Less Powerful: The judiciary’s utilization of multifactor balancing tests to adjudicate constitutional disputes oftentimes engenders uncertainty and opacity in legal doctrine, impeding the citizenry’s capacity to apprehend the boundaries of permissible conduct.
More Powerful: When courts use balancing tests to decide constitutional cases, the law becomes less clear, making it harder for people to know what is allowed.

4. Eliminate repetition.

It is tempting to say the same thing multiple times, but resist! Repetition is tiresome for readers.

Less Powerful: Judicial independence is crucial because an independent judiciary is necessary for fair decision-making. Judicial independence ensures that judges are free from improper influence. Without judicial independence, the judiciary cannot function effectively, as the lack of judicial independence can compromise judicial decision-making and judicial integrity.
More Powerful: Judicial independence is crucial for fair decision-making. It ensures judges are free from improper influence and preserves the judiciary’s effectiveness and integrity.

5. Reduce the number of quotations.

Resist the impulse to quote absolutely everything that supports your argument. You don’t need two quotes that say essentially the same thing. Readers prefer to hear ideas in your own voice.

Less Powerful: The Supreme Court has recognized that “Congress, subject to the limitations imposed by the Constitution, has plenary authority over Indian affairs.” As one scholar explains, “Federal plenary power has been exercised in a manner that frequently divests tribes of rights and powers that they once had.” According to another commentator, “The concept of plenary power is ‘something of an anomaly in American constitutional law.’” “Over time, the Supreme Court has both reaffirmed Congress’s broad power and occasionally questioned its constitutional footing.”
More Powerful: The Supreme Court has recognized that “Congress, subject to the limitations imposed by the Constitution, has plenary authority over Indian affairs.” Scholars point out that Congress has often exercised this power in ways that reduce tribal rights and autonomy, and some have even described the doctrine of plenary power as unusual within American constitutional law. Although the Court generally upholds Congress’s sweeping authority, it has at times questioned the constitutional basis for such power.

6. Reduce the length of quotations.

It feels good to lay down a big, juicy quote that demonstrates a point. When a reader sees long quotes in a document, however, their eyes glaze over.

Less Powerful: Justice Jackson famously stated in Youngstown Sheet & Tube Co. v. Sawyer:

When the President acts pursuant to an express or implied authorization of Congress, his authority is at its maximum, for it includes all that he possesses in his own right plus all that Congress can delegate. When the President acts in absence of either a congressional grant or denial of authority, he can only rely upon his own independent powers, but there is a zone of twilight in which he and Congress may have concurrent authority, or in which its distribution is uncertain. When the President takes measures incompatible with the expressed or implied will of Congress, his power is at its lowest ebb, for then he can rely only upon his own constitutional powers minus any constitutional powers of Congress over the matter.

This tripartite framework, with its focus on “maximum” authority, the “zone of twilight,” and the “lowest ebb,” has become the primary guide for resolving separation-of-powers disputes. As one scholar notes, “Justice Jackson’s framework ‘remains the canonical approach for evaluating the president’s authority in relation to Congress.’”
More Powerful: Justice Jackson outlined three categories of presidential authority in Youngstown Sheet & Tube Co. v. Sawyer: maximum when Congress authorizes action, a “zone of twilight” when congressional guidance is unclear, and “lowest ebb” when the President acts against congressional will. This framework remains the standard approach for evaluating presidential power relative to Congress.

7. Reduce the amount of analysis.

Cut the thinking-out-loud and just get to the point.

Less Powerful: It is important to assess whether punitive damages fulfill their intended role of deterrence and retribution, especially in light of competing theories of tort law. The precedential landscape suggests contrasting interpretations.
More Powerful: Punitive damages both punish the defendant and deter misconduct.

8. Remove digressions.

It’s easy to get sidetracked providing information that is interesting but not needed for the point you are making.

Less Powerful: he exclusionary rule, developed by the Supreme Court over the course of several decades, is a judicially created remedy designed to deter constitutional violations by law enforcement officials. Numerous scholars have documented its historical evolution, from its initial articulation in Weeks v. United States to the watershed decision in Mapp v. Ohio. In those cases, the Court was deeply influenced by then-prevailing notions of judicial integrity and public confidence in the courts—factors that continue to play a role in contemporary debates about the rule. Although it is important to keep in mind the complex history and shifting rationale underpinning the exclusionary rule, and the myriad alternative remedies suggested by critics, this article ultimately contends that the exclusionary rule fails to serve its intended deterrent function.
More Powerful: The exclusionary rule sought to deter constitutional violations by law enforcement officials. This article contends that the exclusionary rule does not serve its intended deterrent function.

9. Remove adverbs, adjectives, and qualifying phrases; keep the focus on nouns and verbs.

Take out intensifiers and modifiers that are unnecessary because they are implied in the word they’re modifying.

Less Powerful: The relatively recent expansion of the very broad and oftentimes ambiguous doctrines of administrative deference has significantly affected the landscape of modern regulatory law, frequently leading to uncertain results for both agencies and courts.
More Powerful: Judicial deference to agencies shapes regulatory law and affects agency and court decisions.

10. Combine choppy sentences.

If you have multiple consecutive sentences that are so short they sound abrupt or awkward, combine them.

Less Powerful: Public schools often rely on property taxes. Wealthy neighborhoods have higher property values. They have more money for schools. Poorer neighborhoods don’t. The funding gap affects educational quality. This raises questions under the Equal Protection Clause.
More Powerful: Because public schools rely heavily on property taxes, wealthier neighborhoods spend more on education than poorer areas, creating funding gaps that affect educational quality and raise questions under the Equal Protection Clause.

11. Trim unneeded transitions and meta-discourse.

Writers often think they need them; readers often hate them because they slow reading down. When you effectively structure the sequence of your ideas so that one thought logically leads to the next, you don’t need to write transitions and signal phrases into your sentences.

Less Powerful: On the one hand, equal protection doctrine requires courts to prevent unjust discrimination by the government. On the other hand, as discussed above, the Court does not require strict scrutiny for every classification. Thus, in this section, I will examine how the rational basis test applies in modern cases.
More Powerful: Equal protection doctrine prevents unjust government discrimination, but courts reserve strict scrutiny for certain classifications, applying the rational basis test in most cases.

12. Let verbs be verbs.

Don’t “nominalize” verbs, which means a word that conveys action happening that wants to be a verb (“indicate”) and turns it into a noun (“indication”). Nominalizing adds boring words and takes excitement away from your prose.

Less Powerful: The implementation of agency guidance is dependent on the interpretation of statutory mandates and the provision of clarity by regulatory authorities. The determination of intent by the agency leads to the creation of procedural requirements.
More Powerful: Agencies implement guidance when they interpret statutory mandates and provide clarity. When an agency determines its intent, it creates procedural requirements.

Clarity

13. Use the active voice.

The active voice features a subject performing the action of a verb: “The fireman visited the kindergarten class.”

The passive voice features an object receiving the action of the verb: “The kindergarten class was visited by the fireman.”

Writing in the active voice gives more information to your reader by stating who is doing what to whom/what (subject, verb, and object). In the passive voice, the subject receives the action of the verb (e.g., The ball was thrown). In the active voice, the subject performs the action of the verb (e.g., Wilson threw the ball). The active voice explains who (subject) is doing what (verb) to whom (object).

There are some telltale signs that you’re in the passive voice: (1) the noun follows the verb, (2) the preposition “by” is used, and (3) a “to be” verb (e.g., is, am, are, was, were) is used as an auxiliary verb (e.g., The claim is being made by Wilson that one should write in the active voice). Only use the passive voice when it is logical to do so—e.g., when the agent of the action performed is unknown or impossible to define.

Less Powerful: The defendant’s house was entered by police officers without a warrant, and evidence was seized by them during the search, which was later challenged.
More Powerful: Police officers entered the defendant’s house without a warrant and seized evidence during the search; the defense later challenged the officers’ actions.

14. Avoid thought-terminating clichés.

There are some topics that it should be illegal to write about unless you have multiple advanced degrees. These topics include “truth,” “reality,” and “human nature.” These words are “thought-terminating clichés”—they halt the deep and specific thinking that is the particular province of academic writing..

Less Powerful: The rule of law is essential because it is grounded in human nature.
More Powerful: The rule of law is essential because it fosters predictability, constrains arbitrary power, and reinforces procedural fairness—qualities that empirical studies demonstrate effectively encourage individuals to comply with legal norms.

15. Use the right verb tense.

When analyzing a text, write in the present tense, not the past. This tense fills your prose with immediacy. When making historical comments, use the simple past tense. Avoid compound tenses.

Less Powerful: Justice Harlan argued that the Constitution provided protection against unreasonable searches, and his concurrence stressed that privacy expectations depended on both a subjective and an objective standard.
More Powerful: Justice Harlan argues that the Constitution provides protection against unreasonable searches, and his concurrence stresses that privacy expectations depend on both a subjective and an objective standard.

16. Keep a consistent verb tense.

If you need to shift tenses, start a new paragraph..

Less Powerful: Courts interpret the Fourth Amendment based on reasonable expectations of privacy; however, they have recognized exceptions to the warrant requirement.
More Powerful: Courts interpret the Fourth Amendment based on reasonable expectations of privacy; however, they recognize exceptions to the warrant requirement.

17. Avoid biased language.

Often, commonly used phrases include hidden biases.

Less Powerful: The advancement of mankind has depended on the rule of law and the development of reason.
More Powerful: The advancement of humankind has depended on the rule of law and the development of reason.

Be especially careful to use pronouns inclusively.

Instead of defaulting to “he,” make sure to include all pronouns, e.g. he/she/they. If what you’re saying calls for it, you may need to write your sentence in such a way that you can use the gender-neutral pronoun “they” instead of a gendered “he” or “she” or the awkward phrasing of “he, she, or they.”

Less Powerful: If a police officer believes a suspect is armed, he may conduct a protective frisk during the stop.
More Powerful: If a police officer believes a suspect is armed, he or she may conduct a protective frisk during the stop.
Even More Powerful: If police officers believe a suspect is armed, they may conduct protective frisks during stops.

18. Use parallel structures to present parallel ideas.

Clarity increases geometrically with the use of parallel structures. Shape and sharpen the sense of similarity (or difference) between ideas, actions, objects, attributes, and the like by using similar constructions to describe them. Put parallel thoughts in parallel constructions. Use parallel constructions to clarify relationships—to emphasize similarities or to define differences. Using parallel structures is especially important when you’re writing a long sentence

Less Powerful: To prevail in a negligence claim, a plaintiff must show that the defendant owed a duty of care. If that duty was breached and caused the plaintiff harm, resulting in damages, the claim will be successful.
More Powerful: To prevail in a negligence claim, a plaintiff must show that the defendant owed a duty of care, breached that duty, caused the plaintiff’s harm, and inflicted resulting damages.

19. Avoid co-optive pronouns.

Co-optive pronouns like “we,” “our,” or “us” can suggest a shared perspective that the reader might not hold, inappropriately assume unity between writer and reader, and include or exclude groups unintentionally. Be careful with the royal “we.” It is usually a bad idea to assume that you and your reader act in the same way and believe the same things.

Less Powerful: The Framers intended the Bill of Rights to adapt over time so that our society could remain free.
More Powerful: The Framers intended the Bill of Rights to adapt over time so that American society could remain free.
Less Powerful: The holding in Daubert differs from what we saw with Frye and its “general acceptance” test.
More Powerful: In Daubert v. Merrell Dow Pharmaceuticals, Inc., the Supreme Court replaced the older “general acceptance” test from Frye with a more flexible standard for admitting expert testimony, focusing on scientific validity and relevance.

20. Avoid ambiguous pronouns.

Pronouns are words that take the place of nouns, such as he, his, she, her, they, them, and it.Ambiguous pronoun references occur when a pronoun’s antecedent—the noun(s) to which it refers—is not clear. Often, this error occurs when there might be two possible antecedents and a reader can’t tell which one a pronoun refers to.

Less Powerful: The Supreme Court overruled the lower court’s decision after it found that it had violated the defendant’s rights.
More Powerful: The Supreme Court overruled the lower court’s decision after the justices found that the lower court had violated the defendant’s rights.

21. **Don’t make broad references with this, that, these, and those.**

Avoid making broad references with this, that, these, and those. These words are called demonstratives and ambiguous demonstratives occur when a reader can’t tell what a word like this, that, these, and those refers to. To correct this error, simply supply a noun to clarify the demonstrative (as in the previous sentence, which clarifies “these” with “words” (”These words”), or in the current sentence, which clarifies “this” with “error” (“this error”).

Less Powerful: The prosecutor introduced evidence obtained from an unlawful search. This was excluded under the exclusionary rule.
More Powerful: The prosecutor introduced evidence obtained from an unlawful search. This evidence was excluded under the exclusionary rule.

22. Structure sentences through cause-and-effect and chronology.

Make the order in which ideas appear in a sentence match the order in which they occur—either in a logical sequence where one thing leads to another, or in a chronological sequence where earlier events come first and later events come later.

Less Powerful: The defendant was convicted after the court admitted the confession, which police obtained when they failed to read him his rights.
More Powerful: After police failed to read the defendant his rights, they obtained a confession, which the court later admitted as evidence, ultimately leading to the defendant’s conviction.

23. Avoid cliches.

Be especially sure to avoid mixing metaphors.

Less Powerful: The exclusionary rule is a hot-button issue that has been a thorn in the side of prosecutors for decades.
More Powerful: The exclusionary rule has been the subject of persistent criticism from prosecutors, who argue that it makes securing convictions more difficult.

24. **Add that to distinguish clauses after verbs from direct objects.**

Less Powerful: The court held the contract was enforceable despite the lack of a formal signature.
More Powerful: The court held that the contract was enforceable despite the lack of a formal signature.

25. Avoid split infinitives.

An infinitive is the verb form preceded by “to”—as in “to carry” or “to argue.” It is usually best to avoid splitting the infinitive, which can happen when you put an adverb in between “to” and the verb.

Less Powerful: The Court’s role is to carefully balance the competing interests implicated by the First Amendment.
More Powerful: The Court’s role is to balance carefully the competing interests implicated by the First Amendment.

26. Don’t end sentences with prepositions.

A sentence that ends “regardless of the class an individual belongs to.” should read “regardless of the class to which an individual belongs.”

Less Powerful: The principle is central to the doctrine the Supreme Court relied on.
More Powerful: The principle is central to the doctrine on which the Supreme Court relied.

27. Use acronyms sparingly.

All acronyms and abbreviations must be written out the first time you discuss that organization or term, giving the acronym or abbreviation afterward—e.g., General Strain Theory (GST). After that first mention, the acronym or abbreviation may be used—e.g., a later sentence could read, GST.

Less Powerful: The EEOC enforces federal laws that make it illegal to discriminate against a job applicant or an employee. The EEOC investigates discrimination complaints based on an individual’s race, color, national origin, religion, sex, age, or disability.
More Powerful: The Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) enforces federal laws that make it illegal to discriminate against a job applicant or an employee. The EEOC investigates discrimination complaints based on an individual’s race, color, national origin, religion, sex, age, or disability.

28. Write to an unknown reader.

Don’t write to your teacher, who might “know what you mean” or understand a point you’re trying to make because it was discussed in class. You can assume your reader has read the texts you’re writing about, but don’t assume readers are privy to the analytical vocabulary and methodology you’re using.

Less Powerful: The ruling in Katz builds on our earlier discussion of “reasonable expectations of privacy.”
More Powerful: In Katz v. United States, the Supreme Court established that the Fourth Amendment protects people’s reasonable expectations of privacy, shifting the focus from property rights to personal privacy.

29. Bury dull but necessary qualifiers in the middle of a sentence.

Doing so keeps attention on your main ideas. Make the structure of your sentence reflect the structure of your thought. Put your main idea in your main clause, subordinating the less important elements in the sentence to the more important.

Less Powerful: A police report is generally defined by statute as a public record, meaning it is subject to disclosure.
More Powerful: A police report, generally defined by statute as a public record, is subject to disclosure.

30. Avoid contractions.

To maintain your academic tone, it is usually best to spell out words instead of using contractions (did not for didn’t). There are times, however, when contractions can be used effectively to make a common-sense point that contrasts with your academic tone.

Less Powerful: If Congress hasn’t expressed its intent clearly, courts shouldn’t assume that federal law preempts state law.
More Powerful: If Congress has not expressed its intent clearly, courts should not assume that federal law preempts state law.

31. Paragraph more frequently.

Less Powerful: Establishing causation is an essential element of a plaintiff’s prima facie case in tort. Courts distinguish between “actual causation” and “proximate causation,” each serving a different function. Actual causation, also called “cause-in-fact,” asks whether the defendant’s conduct was a necessary condition for the injury, while proximate causation limits liability for harm that is too remote from the conduct in question. The famous “but-for” test is typically used to determine cause-in-fact, but alternative approaches such as the substantial factor test may be applied when multiple causes are involved. Proximate cause is concerned with foreseeability and policy considerations about where to draw the line for liability.
More Powerful: Establishing causation is an essential element of a plaintiff’s prima facie case in tort. Courts distinguish between “actual causation” and “proximate causation,” each serving a different function. Actual causation, also called “cause-in-fact,” asks whether the defendant’s conduct was a necessary condition for the injury. The famous “but-for” test is typically used to determine cause-in-fact, but alternative approaches such as the substantial factor test may be applied when multiple causes are involved.

Proximate causation limits liability for harm that is too remote from the conduct in question. It is primarily concerned with foreseeability and policy considerations about where to draw the line for liability.